@stevevsninjas: Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.
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@MmeSurly: My kids wouldn't stop asking me who my favorite is so I said the dog & now they're crying and I'm like THIS IS WHY THE DOG IS MY FAVORITE.
@abbycohenwl: *releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird
@girl_a_whirl: The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, "Duck". His mother slaps him.