@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
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@HumorParasite: Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
@NJFreudian: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town Not a creature was Tweeting, cause favstar was down.