@BromanConsul: cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
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@TheCatWhisprer: They call cat people crazy but we're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.
@mattZillaaaa: [at my funeral] So young, how did he die? He ran into oncoming traffic after walking past a group of adults saying the word "bae"
@Ramankaur925: “You’re 18, your parents can’t tell you what to do anymore” first of all, I’m not white
@InternetHippo: "Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you've ever been in your life?" - video games