@radtoria: Cute guy: Is this seat taken?
Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles*
Him: *takes chair away*
@bingowings14: Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters.
Dog 2: woof?
Dog 1: You're not even trying.
@SomthinBoutSara: You can now buy candy unwrapped and avoid any effort at all to eat it. USA! USA!
@rockymomax: ME: *closes to Kill a Mockingbird*
WIFE: did you actually read it?
WIFE: what happens
ME: (very confidently) it was a bird massacre
@AndrewNadeau0: Once I tried to rescue this kitten stuck in a tree only it wasn’t a kitten it was an owl and he was, like…he was fine there.
@TheAlexNevil: Movies Lesson #5: very few people die while trying to get from one hotel room to another using the ledge outside, so give it a shot.