@radtoria: Cute guy: Is this seat taken?
Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles*
Him: *takes chair away*
@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck.
My wife still came home.
Superstitions are stupid.
@McGunnersite: I'm giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait sorry, that didn't come out right :
I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: MOMMA DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER GET A 6-PACK OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA BE FAT
Me: *slowly shreds Pokémon cards w/out breaking eye contact*
@CrackedIllusion: It's been about 3 years since my last drink and I'm still hungover.
@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts.
Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here