@radtoria: Cute guy: Is this seat taken?
Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles*
Him: *takes chair away*
@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: [holding $5 bill] what's this for?
ME: it's a tip
DOCTOR: okay but you're still dying
ME: [hands him another $5 bill]
@meganamram: I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone??
@Thedudish: The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.
@MoneypennyNaked: I could never be on The Bachelor. I don't need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It's bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday.
@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.