@CulturedRuffian: Cyber Monday is probably my favorite holiday to get paid to do my Christmas shopping at work.
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@lilgapeach32: Who decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to put on a tampon box? "Manslaughter is illegal" would've been more relevant.
@nicfit75: Considering "natural" childbirth? You wouldn't have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula.