@tdwyer618: "Dad, why did Jesus have to die on the cross?"
"He didn't do his 1st grade homework."
@bakedbrotatoes: -You talkin to my girl?
-What if I am?
@MrSpoonicorn: *Gandalf rollerblades into the club*
"YO DJ PLAY SOME DIRTY DUBSTE--
*slips on a drink & lands flat on face* "SCRAP THAT CALL AN AMBULANCE
@theyearofelan: Wake up your lover by hysterically screaming "Are you sleeping?!?!"
@amfmpm: dry skin? flaky scalp?
tongue bifurcating all by itself?
hissing? legs fusing together?
recently evicted a gypsy?
@pseudofauxme: My tombstone will just say "Deactivated." I want people to be afraid that I could come back.