@tdwyer618: "Dad, why did Jesus have to die on the cross?"
"He didn't do his 1st grade homework."
ME: [scared] well?
DOCTOR: ur ok
M: so it was just a dream
D: o no ur body is filled with lizards but ur system is accepting them
@Reverend_Scott: "You CAN even."
- white girl life coach
@AmishPornStar1: "What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?"
-inventor of Lucky Charms
@tatsabrat: My creepy neighbour asked me if I think he's creepy. The fact that he asked through my bathroom window after my shower just made it awkward
@Book_Krazy: Hubs: * Hands me a broom* Make yourself useful
Me: Flies away