@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car as being stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the rear window are white.

@NeatFoxes: "50 Cent for 2Pacs of Eminems!? That's Ludacris!"

@WilliamRodgers: Guys.... Women aren't hard..... And if they are... They aren't Women.

@ieatanddrink: Oh OK thanks for the tip, I was actually planning on letting the bed bugs bite but good call

@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.