@abbycohenwl: [Buzzfeed for Cats] 6 THINGS THAT WILL MAKE U BOLT FROM THE ROOM -Vacuum cleaner -Walls -The floor -Air -Yourself -Nothing. Nothing at all

@juliussharpe: Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack.

@noneofyours99: Things I'm doing today * going to the gym * having sex * lying

@clarkekant: My electric toothbrush ran out of batteries so I had to brush with my acoustic.

@iinkedZombie: My son asked me what it's like to be a parent so I woke him up at 3 a.m. to let him know that I couldn't sleep.