@amishschool: * Dalai Lama goes on killing spree after listening to my coworker eat soup *
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@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there...
@Thynebear: [Gets on one knee] Margaret- [Pulls out ring] Will you- will you please hide this, Gollum won't stop following me.
@TheMichaelRock: Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou.