@minnie_in_pink7: Damn boy, is your name Dulcolax because you irritate the shit out of me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@beccafacexo: If I ever get kidnapped, my plan is to just talk non-stop about Lost until they see that I'm very annoying, and they return me to safety.
@Avepates: Sometimes I like to hysterically tell mall security that my infant son has gone missing just so I can show people baby pictures of myself.
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.
@simoncholland: My daughter put a horse's head in my bed this morning. It was from an animal cracker but conveyed the message pretty clearly who is boss.