@dksc4life: Damn, girl, are you a customer looking for a great deal, because my clothes are 75% off.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Me: What time are we leaving? Wife: In 3 or 4 hours Me: Ok, I’ll be waiting in the car
@AsgardianRose: Every kiss begins with 'K' I whisper quietly to myself as I read his one letter response to my last 7 text messages.
@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.