@thejayroyal: Damn girl, can I get all up in that? I'm sorry, where are my manners. MAY I get all up in that?
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@jackmackenroth: People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie.
@NicestHippo: [doing standup] So I live in Kansas— [hysterical laughter] That…that wasn't the joke
@d2BMcG: I've not smoked weed in two year, during that time I've completed sooooo much ...................... drunk