@boring_as_heck: Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I'd like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad.
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@Ygrene: [interview to be an undercover agent] Chief: Janine, can you send in the next applicant Janine: yes sir; next! [the large potted plant in the corner of the room stands up] Chief: Janine, can you send home the remaining applicants
@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do
@abbycohenwl: Pet Store Manager: What qualifies you to work here? Applicant: I'm kind of sweet yet sad & a bit creepy for some reason PSM: You're hired!