@Donnie_Fairburn: [Phone with Mom] "Did you just friend request me?" I'm on fb now "I'm not adding you" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*

@darrinfb: I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it. So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.

@ItsDumbTweets: Omg... no

@novicefather: This guy just climbed through a thicket of waist-high shrubbery to avoid walking past me. That's the kind of anti-social I aspire to be.

@weinerdog4life: Side Effects May Include: upset stomach, diarrhea, a tail, some hooves, ok so you might turn into a horse