@Ygrene: [interview to be an undercover agent] Chief: Janine, can you send in the next applicant Janine: yes sir; next! [the large potted plant in the corner of the room stands up] Chief: Janine, can you send home the remaining applicants

@aguywithnolife: searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do

@mommajessiec: Let me play you the song of my children. *open and closes door 20 times*

@abbycohenwl: Pet Store Manager: What qualifies you to work here? Applicant: I'm kind of sweet yet sad & a bit creepy for some reason PSM: You're hired!

@meganamram: I'm so lucky, I married my best friend!! I hope my husband doesn't find out