@electrolemon: damn girl, you got a butt that WON'T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn't stop* ...et tu, bootay
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@thatguyJA: My son ate all the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms and well guess who isn't paying for his college now.
@ruinedpicnic: [buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful
@_NTFG_: If you feed me & have the heat on high, I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold
@FillWerrell: If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST