@electrolemon: damn girl, you got a butt that WON'T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn't stop* ...et tu, bootay
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@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.
@ErrenMichaels: *logs into Facebook *looks at pictures of people hugging their boyfriends *comments 'is that your dad' on all of them *logs out of Facebook
@david8hughes: [leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting] I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.
@afloodofblood: Sometimes I spend so much time on Twitter in the bathroom that I actually pee twice.