@Shock_Monster: Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock
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@weinerdog4life: A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!
@ChrisEdCaruso: Good cop: where's the body? Bad cop: answer him! *pounds table* Jenga cop: God damn it!