@OneFunnyMummy: Dance like no one's watching & cook like someone else is cleaning up that shit.
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@AlexvanBeek: You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.
@MissWont: It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones.
@NicCageMatch: No, please, let me give up my subway seat to your 6-year-old child who must be bone-tired from a life consisting mostly of playing & napping
@hippieswordfish: *pretends to throw a ball and my dog chases after it* haha idiot *checks email* holy shit i won a million dollars??