@JermHimselfish: Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade.
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@boring_as_heck: A big thank you to whoever spraypainted "KARATE" on the side of my truck. Cops are scared to give me tickets now.
@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
@Dishy2101: Car next to me in liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has SEVEN kids. I better get in there quick! She's gonna buy it all.
@Jubafisher: If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them.