@DamonHunzeker: Dandelions are just like regular lions, except they wear ascots.
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@AdamBroud: Gym Employee: Thats not how you operate that machine, sir. Me: *Hanging clothes all over treadmill* But this is how I use it at home.
@bobvulfov: LAWYER: ur dad's estate— ME: who called it executing a will instead of splittin heirs L: he said if u made a dumb joke u get nothing M: shit