@DamonHunzeker: Dandelions are just like regular lions, except they wear ascots.
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@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree Have now gone completely missing You’ve been hit by You’ve been struck by Reverse Santa Claus
@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated