@Kyle_Raney: Dang girl, are you an unreliable scientific claim? Because imma need you to BACK THAT UP
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@ShoutingGoddess: If I yawn, and the person talking says, 'Sorry for boring you', I graciously accept their apology. Because, manners.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@0point5twins: "Boss, I've got a probl-" "There are no such things as problems, only opportunities" "Oh, ok. I've got a serious drinking opportunity"
@TeaPartyCat: An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila.