@robfee: Dang girl are you the American health care system because if I don't give you all my money you'd have no problem watching me die.
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@WilliamAder: As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it's a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
@MattMcElaney: Cashier's playing dumb cause I said "venti" at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got.
@5hael: [David Attenborough narrating my life] Once again the young offspring attempts to leave the nest. Once again he has flown into a wall