@JediGigi: Dang you got a good deal on your tattoo and the squirrel's so realistic. What? A portrait of your Mom? Dude I wish my Mom was a squirrel.
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@dorsalstream: NASA CHIEF: No I said make a TIME machine. ME: Oh that makes much more sense. [Thousands of Tims nod in unison]
@Gre_Gone: Me: Got any 7s? Wife: Go fish Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
@AnOrangeSNES: "Murder most fowl!" I scream as the cops pull me away from the many duck corpses. They explain I misunderstood Hamlet while arresting me.
@caseytduncan: People say I'm a bad person, but they're just jealous that they can't kick pigeons as far as I can.