@JediGigi: Dang you got a good deal on your tattoo and the squirrel's so realistic. What? A portrait of your Mom? Dude I wish my Mom was a squirrel.
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@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.
@HuttonGray: Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." Shouldn't there be an "is" in there somewhere?
@Brianhopecomedy: MISSING: 5 year old LAST SEEN: Moments after I said, "Bath time." DESCRIPTION: Naked, sporting 20-23 Spider-Man band-aids
@valerie_tosi: Homeless dude asked me for $10. Thought it was greedy but realized that we were standing outside Whole Foods. Totally legitimate request.