@OtherDanOBrien: "Dark Side Tech Support."
"Hi. My hand lightning won't work. The hate's flowing thru me, but nada."
"Try turning the hate off & on again."
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@TheTweetOfGod: Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life.
@iLikeCatShirts: Her: I really want nachos!! Me: *changes name to nachos*
@choo_ek: Roses are red Violets are lovely The fastest way to anyone’s heart Is a left lateral thoracotomy #medicalvalentine
@jonnysun: idea for a black mirror episode: a technology called IceBox™ is invented to store food past its natural lifespan by keeping it cold. a man uses the technology to keep some fruit fresh overnight so he can have them for breakfast in the morning, but his roommate, a poet, eats them
@TheTweetOfGod: NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate.
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