@UNTRESOR: Date etiquette: The smaller fork is a salad fork. Use the larger fork to eat the salad fork.
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@msdanifernandez: *on death bed* priest: any regrets my child? *montage of every time i saw a large dog and didn't try to ride it* me: uhhhhh
@blade_funner: 1997: *waits 5 minutes for dial-up internet connection* 2017: MY CAR'S VOICE DOES NOT PLEASE ME
@robdelaney: Steve Jobs' entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger's cord.
@HatfieldAnne: For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.