@DaddyJew: Date: you've already made me laugh, you can do no wrong
Me: challenge accepted.
@emptyheadtwo: He raised an eyebrow, put his hand down and with one eye on the table, looked expressionless.
Never play poker against Mr Potato Head.
@Lhlodder: Friend: Isn’t it crazy to think that every decision you make for your kids will change the trajectory of their entire lives?
Me: Thank you for pointing that out. Please never talk to me again.
@TheMichaelRock: Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas?
Mall Santa *whispers* meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
@shariv67: People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait.
@Smafa: I freely admit to snorting with laughter #piggate #pigfilms