@NurseSeymour: FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can't remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They'll write her name on the cup for ya!

@girl_a_whirl: My daughter complained we were out of snacks so I lifted the couch cushions.

@mandysparklerxo: I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won't be renewing my lease.

@mrtruthandsoul: She asked me to go deeper so I started quoting Nietzsche

@corinnemlwsw: This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.