@ourdailybadge: Dating advice: Don't just tell her you have diarrhea, show her
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@TheAlexNevil: Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos
@momTruthBomb: I accidentally wore a red shirt to Target today and, long story short, I'm covering for Debbie this weekend.
@DvuslyMarvelous: [At Mexican Restaurant] Me:asks for food to be spicy hot Waitress: how hot? Me: Waitress:my people hot or your people hot