@ourdailybadge: Dating advice: Don't just tell her you have diarrhea, show her
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@legreece: My dog doesn't always bark like there's an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I'm home alone and in the shower.
@the_anastasia: It's funny how all those "best places in the world" lists always forget to include the Internet.
@daemonic3: To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.