@mdob11: Dating is easy. You just *goes into fetal position*
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@ImABaconDonut: One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
@Rlpihl: Noah: I need 2 of every animal Shark: even us? Noah: no, you can swim Unicorn: I'm pretty good at swimming Noah: go for it
@Brentweets: "In case of emergency break glass" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag.
@DaddyJew: Me on the toilet: HEY I NEED SOME TOILET PAPER 6: *running around dressed like a mummy* we're all out