@mydanimarie: DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheBoydP: Protip: If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.
@murrman5: *walks in house wearing a large neck brace* oh no, what happened? "my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking"
@celebrityhottub: I'm on a plane with the dad from Home Alone and it's taking all my strength to not scream "WE FORGOT KEVIN!"