@EJGomez: dating tip: do NOT kiss their dad on the first date to establish dominance. wait until at least the second date. he will respect you more
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@Alex_but_online: Me:[holding toy] And WHY don't we make them fight?? Kid:[sighing] Because the last stegosaurus died 83 million years before T-Rex evolved
@thenatewolf: Ah, yes, Halloween. The perfect night for me, a man who gets spooked when the commercials are louder than the show. Fantastic.
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
@WilliamRodgers: "I don't get why our troops need to wear camouflage, when they could just wear glasses..." -Superman