@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Don't reply to texts right away or you might look desperate. Just wait. Give it 5, 10, maybe even 15 years. Keep things casual.
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@abbycohenwl: Don't do anything rash - inept doctor trying to keep a skin eruption from spreading
@SortaSarcastic: What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet...
@CornOnTheGoblin: if you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter well then I've got some news for you
@markleggett: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.