@DannyZuker: Daughter is acting so rude I'm not sure she's even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube's comments section.
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@lazerdoov: I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.
@robdelaney: The best ways to spell the name Sean: 1. Sean 2. Shawn 3. Shaun 4. Chone 5. Shnzzang 6. Beans! 7. Ulurion 8. Shon?
@_davidlucas_: An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
@rickolantern: Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better.