@_Mo_lee_: Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
@behindyourback: a woman just ran through the coffeeshop yelling "HELP! I NEED A HIGHLIGHTER! HELP HELP I NEED A HIGHLIGHTER" and I want to trade problems with her
@THEPokerWife: After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities.
@KentWGraham: After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn’t stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we’d all be a lot skinnier.
@Jack9eight5: As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors
@ThisLocalHater: If you hate the word moist, try replacing it with muggy.
For example: Her panties were muggy af.