@_Mo_lee_: Daughter: You're invading my personal space
Mom: You came out of my personal space
@RocketRankoon: "What time is it?"
*pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away*
*Still has no idea what time it is*
@TheDizzyBeauty: Thank God for semi colon's. How would I have ever been able to flirt if they didn't exist?
@stephenjmolloy: Magician: "Think of a card."
Magician: "You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!"
Me: "I was thinking about a get well soon card."
@TheToddWilliams: Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
@ayyyyloser: Break the ice when sending business emails by being the first to use a poop emoji