@tucker_doherty: Daylight Saving Time switches on November 6. That's right, this presidential campaign is an hour longer than you thought.
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@bridger_w: When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost
@DevilryFun: I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
@01CandyQueen: I hate when people say, "You barely touched your food" like what do you want me to do stroke it?
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.