@novocapulum: Dear America: it's called English for a reason. They invented it. It's not "English" spelling. It's correct spelling... This is a subtweet.
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@brennadine: "How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars," I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead
@bobvulfov: turn-ons: • eye contact • people who pay attention to me • people who know how to push my buttons • oh god im a television • how did this h―
@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.
@Steven37366100: Wife: I think the washer went out Me: What time will it be back? Wife: Please get my suitcase