@krissywillbretz: Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"
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@ThaJawn: (Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER
@Daddyissues__: Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you.
@chimneyspotter: What do we want? FLEXIBLE WORK SCHEDULES THAT ACCOMMODATE FAMILY LIFE! When do we want it? [Unintelligible yelling of different dates]
@AdderallMomma: "I'll be black" the potato dramatically announced moments before going into Sarah Connor's freezer -The Termintator