@krissywillbretz: Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"
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@kangel76: If "Cops" has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces, they're nothing but trouble...
@Mr_Kapowski: [magician rolls over in bed] "Last night was amazing" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]
@jologz: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
@DougBenson: That was the most exciting race between two stationary vehicles I have ever seen. #GreaseLive