@krissywillbretz: Dear bill collectors, if you want me to answer the phone, instead of "no caller ID" try something like "free shoes"
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@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.
@djr_102: I broke up with a girl once by leaving a note on the front door that simply said: "Love doesn't live here anymore, and now, neither do you."