@joshweller: Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!
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@midnightwhale: "OPEN THE DOOR IT'S THE POLICE" who is it? "POLICE" what is a police *cops start whispering* "how does he not know what a police is"
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the new hiding your report card from your parents.
@SHOWERTHlNKING: What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?
@Jake_Vig: Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them "Have you seen this person?" and pull out a picture of yourself