@joshweller: Dear every guy that works out excessively, the sun is out! NOW is your moment! It was all worth it! Take that shirt off and walk around!!
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@thepunningman: [superhero meeting] "What's your enemy called?" "Dr Doom. Yours?" "Joker" [stifles laughter] "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" [just loses it]
@daemonic3: [interview] "Any special talents?" I can unlock any fingerprint reader "By hacking?" [flashes back to hacking off victims' fingers] Yes
@Michael1979: There are probably fewer bees around now because a lot of them are still in prison for murdering Macaulay Culkin in My Girl