@jackiemonahan: Dear Jesus- please let all my texts go to the correct person- Amen
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@_NTFG_: I'll tell you what's wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
@Home_Halfway: [God inventing iguanas] Maybe humans are done dealing with dinosaurs, but ants aren't
@birbigs: One way to tell if what you're watching isn't really news is if the person is shouting at you.
@missekay: People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don't understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.