@Gizmo_1984: Dear middle finger, thank you for sticking up for me.
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@liv_thatsme: Leading causes of death among men: 1. Heart attacks 2. Strokes 3. Getting their wives a gym membership for Valentine's Day
@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.