@shutupmikeginn: If Sherlock is such a great detective why does it take him 90min to solve a crime when CSI detectives do it in an hour minus commercials??

@funnyortruth: Friend : "I wasn't that drunk!" Me : "Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming "YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!"

@KentWGraham: God, I hate Apple. I updated my iPhone software and now I’m missing a bunch of photos, 30 bucks from my dresser and my favorite pants.

@delusions_of: The guy at the urinal next to me doesn't appreciate my theories on "Game of Thrones".

@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.