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@MicheleAKALips: Dear Oral-B
You forget the J
@Just__J0: My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.
@hilariouswifey: I don't always look at my phone at a red light; but when I do, I look up to see a cop right beside me.
@TheTweetOfGod: McDonald's sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
@RidiculousSheri: It's getting Hot In Herre, so take off all your clothes! Also, drink this water because I don't want you to get dehydrated.
@Iwriteforcats: [Travels back in time]
Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future?
Lincoln: United as one nation...
Me: Wrong! FATTER.