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@Elifcello: Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap?
@heatherlou_: I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself.
Except you. You get under me.
@cwhudson: *gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
@AskCharlesA: Offline Twitter.
@_davidlucas_: [IT guy on phone]
May I take control of your computer?
Me: *Closes two browsers with 10 Twitter tabs & 2 news sites*
@AngelaEhh: Pretty sure I just kept a closer eye on the pizza tracker than I did my infants.