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@Elifcello: Dear prisoners: How about liquid soap?
@HomeWithPeanut: I know parents should inspire kids to be anything when they grow up. But my son took 1 hour to eat a banana, so competitive eating is out.
@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me
Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
@LuvPug: If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza.
@Rollmaninoz: Meanwhile at Wayne Industries...
'Hey anyone else think it's weird we make so much batman stuff here'
@noogscorner: Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend.
Step 2) Text "Medusa's excited to meet you."
Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn.