@LEDawes: Dear sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face and then just leave.
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@AbrasiveGhost: INTERVIEWER: And why under skills did you put "has dominion over bees"? ME: [covered in bee stings] You can cross that one off
@hazelmotes1: You literally misuse the word "literally" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally.
@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out