@noneofyours99: dear trolls
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@velweb: My 12 yr. old girl is having a sleepover tonight. She told me, "DO NOT EMBARRASS ME!" I'm considering twerking to Ace of Base later.
@bobvulfov: LAWYER: ur dad's estate— ME: who called it executing a will instead of splittin heirs L: he said if u made a dumb joke u get nothing M: shit
@SamuelMoen: When I die, my only wish is for my corpse to be respectfully catapulted onto a whitewater raft of people going down the Colorado river
@Tmoney68: I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.