@darksidedeb: Dear women with cucumber slices on their eyes... you're using it wrong.
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@sucittaM: Ask someone if they'll watch your bag for you but never actually leave just sit there and watch your bag together with your new friend.
@ItsAndyRyan: Interviewer: Tell me your convictions Me: Arson, 5 years. I burnt down my office Interviewer: I mean like 'firm beliefs' Me: Company loyalty
@_Water_Baby: Scary is handing your car keys to the same kid who unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom that morning.
@Steven37366100: Stealthily I approach the deer, removing an arrow from my quiver Deer: I can see you AND you’re literally saying that out loud