@krustythe_klown: Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: [wedding reception] DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions? IDK HE'S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I have never seen this before: You have no bones!" Me: "Really? Could the x-ray be broken?" Doctor: "Ignore what I just said."
@sarcasticmommy4: I tried that whole "if you love something, set it free" thing but my kids are still here.
@TheCatWhisprer: *intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*