@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.
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@KenJennings: I don't really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids' history textbooks.
@Chumpstring: [walmart] GREETER: hello 🙂 ME: [leans in close] what's the cheapest toilet paper you got GREETER: i don't know offhand ME: you're disgusting
@_shellzbellzzz_: My oldest played with BPA free toys that I sterilized constantly. My youngest is playing with a metal coat hanger and a AA battery.