@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: Threesome? Wife: When pigs fly! Do I wish for flying pigs? Pro: Threesome Con: High bacon prices *has idea *starts building catapult
@iwearaonesie: me wife me wife me: I didn't know it was for you wife [covered in soda because I shook the can up when my kid asked for one]
@AngelaEhh: My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.