@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.
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@jonnysun: opening a deli called "Work" a steakhouse caled "The Gym" adn a fried chicken place caled "A Funeral" for ppl who like to eat & need excuses
@CopBroughtPizza: i just found that children's tylenol is made for children, not out of children, and i feel relieved. but that could just be the tylenol...
@Robert_Beau: I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.
@markleggett: We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn't give up on their dreams.