@MartaEffing: Decorating my xmas tree after a bottle of wine. Mixed up a box of candy canes with a box of tampons. Tree looks weird and I feel minty.
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@iGreenMonk: Sometimes I try to eat healthy but my stomach's like "what if you die tomorrow?" and I'm like "good point" and I have a whole pizza.
@Godhatespants: Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie *points finger gun at mouth* *pulls trigger*
@CakeThrottle: On a scale of corn to manycorn how impressed are you by my new corn-based number system