@batkaren: Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember-- oh wait no that's a Cheeto.
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@whalesmells: me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES
@Snarfernini: 911: What's your emergency? Me: He text me first. Just to say hi. What do I do?! 911: Be cool Me: I sent him a list of baby names instead
@shwebby3: Anytime I see a motorcyclist weaving in and out of traffic and performing tricks I always root for the pavement