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@NoChillPosts: DEFINITELY CANT DUNK ANYMORE
@Hypercraxy: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy." Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
@jonnysun: grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again
me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road
@KeetPotato: dad, why does my cake say "we dont want a talking cake"
"its a long story son"
@Jamiejamzz: How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
@RocketRankoon: *limbos away from your hug*