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@SondraDeeMe: [diary, day 3642 on deserted island]
How can I still be fat?
@LoveNLunchmeat: [reading online survey]
Are you ready to double your satisfaction?
My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.
@GodfreyElfwick: I suggest now is the time to send ISIS some *very* strongly worded emails - then hit them with the biggest petition they've ever seen.
@katiefzack: I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like "Oh she's cool she's one of us."
@filthybeggar1: People who put "Retired" on their Linked In acct: I'm not certain you've grasped the site.
@ehchino: How do I know you're not a cop?
"If I was a cop, how would I have this?"
*shows police badge that just says 'Not a Cop' on it*
Oh, okay good