Unfortunately, Yoda’s proposal came across as more of a statement, possibly even a threat. And so, he lived out his life alone, forever pining for “which got away, the one.”
You Might Also Like
How dare room service question “how many people” I need 8 mimosas for 🙄
Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend has clearly never worn leggings.
Please don’t put a coin on my mouth when I die; I plan to wander the shores of the River Styx for 100 years & finally get that bikini body.
She kept yelling “Choke!, Choke!” to me during sex.
So rude. Why would she want me to have a bad performance?
If I had to be a dominatrix (not appealing to me) I’d just be like, “Go stand in the corner. Do it!!” then play on my phone for the rest of the session.
Level of high: 7/10
Not surprised to find out I’ve lost my job at the graffiti removal company. The writing’s been on the wall for a while now.
I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos.
me eating the fries out of everyone’s bag but my own before I get home
[Me as a gynecologist]
*Knocking on the exam room door*
WOMB SERVICE
“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.
Thought I had outsmarted my kid and his friend by telling them the baby monitor was a walkie talkie so I could keep an ear on them… and then the snack requests started.
This day in history. 1940. Carbon-14 was discovered, allowing us to estimate the age of organic materials such as wood, leather, and Cher.
*a town in which the production of little marshmallow treats has been banned*
mayor: i don’t want another peep out of any of you
Dentist: “Wow your teeth really got yellow since last time. I’m prescribing a new Snapchat filter.”
The existence of egg nog presupposes the existence of other, more obscure nogs.
I just declined a mandatory work meeting invite. I am drunk with power.
You just know that years after all this is over, we’re all gonna be the batty grandparents chasing after our kids as they leave with our arms full of toilet paper like “TAKE THIS YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU’LL NEED SOME AND THERE WON’T BE ANY.”
My three year old walked into the garage while I was working out yesterday and I may need to rethink my playlist because today he’s telling everyone that “anacondas love honey buns”.
no, YOU’RE holding a fresh loaf of bread like a newborn baby
“I FIXED IT!”
Social Media and Real life
Maybe my threats will be more effective if, after I mentioned all the people I’ve killed, I don’t say, “in RuneScape.”
I don’t want to brag about how cultured I am, but I’ve visited the outside of many historical buildings that charge an entrance fee
Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those “plane clothes cops.”
A shock absorber sounds like something you need for when you’re watching the news.
What’s the downside of being rude to your executioner?
Conversations get real after midnight.
11:59 pm – “I love ramen noodles”
12:01am – “I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once”
I’m in such a bad mood today, all I have to do is look at someone and they start apologizing.
Engelbert Humperdinck actually chose that name, he was not born with it.
I think about this a lot.
Him: Parent-teacher night is next week.
Me: Will there be snacks?
Him: Does it really matter?
Me:
Him: *sighs* Yes.
Me: Okay. I’m in.