@10InchesPlus: Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?
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@withanewname: [breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."
@Dirty_Naomi: I'm going to start rubbing myself up against people when they've got nice food. If it works for my cat, it'll work for me.
@rockymomax: WIFE: [holding newborn baby] Ive never been so proud of anything in my life ME:[thinking about that one time I drew a perfect giraffe] same
@Midgetspar: If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn't listen to the victim. I'd draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, "Is this him."