@theyearofelan: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn't let you in because you're terrible?
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@PoliUncorrect: Pharmacist: need any help? Me: Yes, I'd like whatever Oprah was on when she gave each and every audience member a car
@specialsquid: "Hi, my name is Gary and I'm a shopaholic, my favorite place to shop is the alcohol store."
@leechee420: Shaved my legs for the 1st time in forever today. It was like taking a bulldozer to the rainforest. Birds flying out, villagers scattering.