@theyearofelan: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn't let you in because you're terrible?
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@meganamram: party idea: "DUI or IUD?" u can only invite people who have one or both and u CAN'T divulge which
@TomSchally: It's not a "junk drawer," it's a free-spirited drawer without expectations or limits.
@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@Spaziotwat: My wife is terrified of thunderstorms. The banging outside the window is horrendous, but if we let her in she'll just get the dog all wet.