@amishschool: Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jamespianka: "And the award for Most British Name goes to..." *Benedict Cumberbatch takes a sip of gin with his eyes closed* "Helena Bonha-" *spews*
@sucittaM: If people who made meth called themselves methematicians it would probably be a more respected occupation.
@sweetandweak: Daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.
@jumpdashark: My tombstone will read: If You Don't Know Me By Now, You Will Never Ever Ever Know Me.